What do you do when it seems like the rug of life has been pulled out from underneath you? If you’re like me, the first thing that likely happens is to cry out to someone close, complain, yell, cry, worry, worry some more… Uncertainty is one of my greatest hurdles to God. I like to see what lies ahead. I want to see evidence that everything is going to be ok. I want to stay on the proverbial mountaintop where I can see things from all points of view. Yet, when I’m really honest with myself, I realize I have a God-complex. It’s not easy to admit, but it is true.

“He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right. By his wounds you are healed.” ~1 Peter 2:24

Think about that for a moment…

We have no idea what it is to feel someone else’s pain or suffering. We can compare how we have felt with what someone else may be feeling, but to truly experience it, we cannot. When our children or loved ones hurt or suffer, we wish we could take that pain on ourselves, removing the suffering from them. That is a desire out of love. But Jesus had the power to do just that. He purposefully chose to take on all the pain and suffering we would face before a perfect and just God. The physical beatings, the nails through His hands, the dehydration on the cross – He suffered all those things for you and for me, and yet they were nothing compared to the spiritual anguish He suffered as the punishment for every sin that ever was and would be; the sins of those living and those yet to be born, was crushed upon Him.

Weeding my life. I do that sometimes. It usually begins in the garden, pulling those pesky weeds and grasses, pruning the good plants so they burst forth with color. Whenever I weed out my gardens, I begin to recognize the things in my life that need weeding, things that hinder my ability to be all God wants me to be, created me to be.

Unforgiveness. I tend to hold onto those hurts and allow them to take root deep down inside, believing the bitterness somehow avenges the wrongs done to me. Anger. When life seems out of control, anger rears it’s rotting head. Gossip. Under the guise of compassionate flowers, gossip is really the dandelions of life. They blossom shortly and then spread and spread, pushing out the good plants, cutting off roots to those good things that should flourish in our lives. Ego. Idolatry. Not putting God first. When it comes right down to it, these are nothing more than believing I’m better than God, that my plans are better, my ways are better, my timing is better, that what I want is better than what He commands or desires.

The image of the sun shining down on a warm summer day is epitome of a beautiful day for many people; blue skies, gentle breezes, warm grass beneath your feet to cushion your steps. That indeed is a wonderful image…

Then there are days like today, covered with grey skies, rain pouring down, clouds enfolding us as we walk through them. I love these days. Have you ever noticed how green grass can be? Each blade reaches up with open arms to receive His cleansing rains. It’s not just a sight to see, but you can smell it all around you, the earth itself giving its fragrant offering to the One who created it. Each leaf, blade of grass, blossom and living thing turns to the skies to receive God’s grace, God’s provision, God’s love – the earth turns to worship Him, so simply, so naturally. This is a beautiful day.

Love. Love can make you do some crazy things. There are many kinds of love, but there is a kind of love greater than all others; a love that transcends all space and time. It can only be found in the love of One. This love changes our perspective on the world and on ourselves. It changes us from the inside out. This love is overwhelming and fills us with peace at the same time. This love never fails. This is the love of God – a Heavenly Father who created you with the most tender of hands; a Spirit that is ever-present with you in all circumstances; a Savior who loved you so much that He stood in your place before God, experiencing a punishment beyond comprehension, and died for you so that you would live with Him in heaven forever.

Life is filled with uncertainties. The ever-winding path we walk is filled with twists and turns, light and shadows. We prefer the long stretches that show us what lies ahead so we can prepare ourselves for what we will encounter. Yet, even the mountains have long stretches that quickly cover with clouds that blind our way.
As the path changes, I am often left disoriented and needing to reach for something familiar to get my bearings. Uncertainty can bring feelings of excitement or anticipation or cause grief and hopelessness, especially when prayers seem to go unanswered.

I recently turned down a path of great excitement right on the heels of healing I’d been praying for. This new unknown was filled with joy. After a long time of uncertainty, it seemed my life was falling into place. Yet, I continued to lean on the One I could trust as I traveled, the One who has walked alongside me these many years. I clung to His words “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.’” ~Jeremiah 29:11. As I turned the corner, those words came to the forefront of my mind and my heart sang a beautiful song of gratitude to my loving God. It felt like a mountain-top-of-the-world experience. “God has heard the cries of my heart for so long and He finally answered me” I thought. But like any mountain, the paths can turn dark and stormy and in a few short weeks, I found myself in the deepest recesses of the valley. What I thought God had given me was not so. My heart was left broken. I was lost, dazed and confused. I thought God was blessing me. I thought He had answered my prayers. “Why? I don’t understand!”

The truth is, there is no way I could ever understand God’s ways. He sees far beyond where I can see; no cloud or storm could ever blind or disorient Him. I felt small and unworthy. The hope I had clung to for so long was wasting away with every heartbeat. How do I continue to cling to the words in Jeremiah 29:11? It seemed God’s desires for my life and my desires just didn’t align. He tells us that when we pray for His will, He will change our heart’s desire to align with His. Twelve years of prayer and drawing close to Him and yet my heart’s desire remained the same; my prayers still unanswered. To add to it my health diminishes; the road ahead is scary. My head, my heart, my body and my soul are worn and weary and in that valley, I feel no hope.

Then a song comes on the radio and it meets me right where I am. In the midst of anguish and hopelessness, God speaks to me through the gifts of a songwriter:

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place
I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held.¹

God knows what I’m going through and He is not still. What He is doing, I do not know, but my Heavenly Father reminds me He loves me so much and His heart breaks because I cannot comprehend that He does indeed have plans for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me; plans to give me hope and a future. And so, like the very best Father He is, He simply wraps me in His arms and holds me until His strength is renewed in me. There is absolutely nothing I can do to change my circumstances, but I can allow my Father to tenderly care for me, heal my heart and renew my hope so that I will once again cling to his promises for a wonderful future I cannot yet see.

No matter where life leads you, set your heart upon the One who loves you ​more than anything, Who always wants what is best for you. Don’t be afraid to grieve or ask “Why” – Jesus asked why. Cry out to ​God, lean on Him, because God does have plans for your life. He will build you up refine you for the great purpose He has for you. And one day, you will be in awe of the beautiful work He has done in you and your life.

¹ “Just Be Held” by Casting Crowns

Relationships don’t come easily to me. I tend to guard my heart. Experience has shown me that giving my heart fully to someone usually results in it being hurt, abused or abandoned. I don’t know what your life experiences have shown you, but maybe you can relate.

Yet I have a deep desire to love and be loved. I long for the kind of close relationships people around me have. I believe that is a result of God molding and shaping my heart. If it were all me, I’d still have a thick wall built around me. But God sees deeper than I do. He sees what He created in me and is reshaping what the world has warped. He wants me to love others the way He loves me.

This past weekend, I received amazing insight about the Ten Commandments – a completely new perspective. To me, the Ten Commandments were rules God set up to keep me from doing wrong – good rules to live a good life and honor God. They were boundaries to protect me, actions I should take, rules I should obey. These words were very task-oriented, and as a task-oriented kind of girl, that worked just fine. But this weekend, I saw a new perspective. These Commandments aren’t just rules to abide by, set by a God who deserves to be obeyed. These are words spoken out of love for me and for you. Take a look at the Ten Commandments from a heart perspective.

God says:

I love you with all my heart, soul, strength and mind. Love me more than anyone and anything. Do not put any other gods before me. Do not make anything else a greater desire of your heart than Me and don’t make idols. I’m the great God of the universe and I love you more than anyone. Let me be your everything.

Take My name and make it yours. Carry My name with care, and honor it by your actions, your words and your attitude. Don’t take My name of the One who loves you in vain.

Spend time with Me, just Me. I want our relationship to grow closer. Your identity is in Me, so allow me to nurture you. Set aside time just for us; remember the Sabbath.

Honor your parents. Why? Because honoring them is honoring Me. It’s that simple. Honoring those I have put in authority reveals our relationship and it honors the One who adores you more than anyone else ever will. Be truthful and honest. Don’t lie for lying also dishonors Me. I have written My truth on your heart. When you are a parent, teach your children the way to go through my Word, my Loveletter to them. When you bring up your children to love Me, trust Me and follow Me, they will grow in relationship with Me, and they, in a response from their hearts, will honor you, just as you honor Me.

I am your Provider. There is nothing in this world that you need that I, Myself, have not given you. When you take a life, another lover, someone else’s belonging, you take from Me, for I have provided those things to someone else. Don’t long for what others have. Live in gratitude for what I have given you and know that I will never stop giving. I am filled with mercy and generosity, and I pour out My grace to you every moment of every day. I am your Great Provider. Trust Me to give to you all you will ever need, my beloved.

What I learned was these are covenant words of love spoken by a God whose love is overwhelming. I no longer feel obligated to obey the rules out of duty. My heart yearns to respond to these words of love with tenderness and affection. When you’re in love, everyone can see it. Your beloved is always on your mind. Your mood is light, your smile beams, your words are kind. You can’t help but respond to everyone in love when your heart is so full. That’s the response I’m talking about.

So, the next time you read the Ten Commandments, think of it more as a love letter to you from an almighty God who adores you, because that is what it is. These words are not to bind you, but to set you free. Freedom to be who God created you to be. Freedom for your heart to love because it first belongs to the One who will do it no harm. Carry His name freely, because He stands beside you. You are never alone.

We are free from searching for things we think will fill voids in our lives; voids that seem endless and are never fulfilled. Nothing and no one can fill our voids but God Himself, so stop trying. We have the freedom to be at peace in the most absurd of circumstances, knowing that God provides for our every need.

You are free to do nothing. That’s right – nothing. God desperately wants you to slow down, let the world fade away and hear His voice speaking to you. It is there He will reassure your heart and nurture your weary soul.

You have the freedom to trust. God places people on our paths who will walk alongside us, journey with us through life.

You have the freedom to be worry-free. Have you ever felt guilty for not being worried about something you feel you should be? (Me too.) Don’t feel guilty! You have the freedom not to worry about what you have and what you don’t, what you can control (well, you never really can, but that’s a whole different blog) and what you cannot control. When you love someone and allow them love you back, there is a peace in knowing you are in this together and a sense that “together, we can get through this.” Well my friends, that’s what life is like when you let God into your heart.

The Ten Commandments – really, Ten Ways to Have a Beautiful Relationship. That’s the kind of relationship my heart longs for.

For a long time, words have poured out of me, sometimes faster than I can write. I believe that is a gift, no matter the topic or mood. I believe this because no matter what life brings me, hope stirs deep within.  I pray that the words that stir in me bring encouragement to your hearts.