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Never Forget

We will never forget Psalm 147:3
~ sunshine14616 ~ Leave a comment

Some of you reading right now remember this day. Some of you are too young to remember. Still some of you had not yet come into being. For my generation, this is the day in history we will Never Forget. This is my story.

19 years ago, today, I dropped my older son, Duncan, off to Kindergarten for only the third day. These were full days, so it was quite a change for this stay-at-home mom. I sat at home with my younger son, Ben, who was soon to be three years old. As I did every morning, I turned on the network’s Morning Show on TV to maintain a sense of normalcy. Little did I know that normalcy had become a thing of the past.

Serious tones and smoke billowing out of a building were the first images I saw. I sat intently in front of the TV. It was chaos, and like everyone else watching – including the news casters – I was trying to figure out what had happened.

“SPECIAL REPORT” streamed across the screen. A plane crash occurred on the Southern tip of Manhattan and as a result the North World Trade Center had been hit, or at least that was the initial news. At 8:52 am, that was still unconfirmed, but there was no doubt the upper floors of the building were on fire as smoke billowed out in a constant plume of thick dark ash. Eyewitnesses called into the networks to share what they had seen. Some of these witnesses were only blocks from the building. For some of these witnesses, their words heard and faces seen on national news would be the last their loved ones would have of them.

One caller thought it was a plane and another thought it was a missile. One street reporter asked an eyewitness what they saw. “Everything was coming out. All the windows were coming out; papers were flying everywhere.”

“Are there any people hurt, do you know?” the reporter asked.

Are there any people hurt…

As the news cameras kept the burning building on the screen, images of a second plane hitting the other tower were broadcast live. This plane hit further down towards the middle of the South tower. Images from every angle showed a plane flying low, turning sharply, and flying into the tower.

Panic was heard on every station.

I grabbed my Ben and held him close. He was a wiggle worm but seemed to understand I needed him near.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  ~Psalm 46:1

My Nana, who is – at the time of this article – now 101 was at home sleeping. Everyone knows not to call her before Noon. It was only a few minutes after 9:00 in the morning. I called her anyway. At first, she didn’t understand what I was saying, but got out of bed and turned on her TV. “I want to go get Duncan,” I kept saying.

“Honey, there’s nothing that will help by bringing him home from school.”

“I think we’re under attack,” I replied.

“It’s in New York City and seems to be isolated there. Leave him in school.”

We sat on the phone silently watching the news together.

Panic and disbelief flooded the morning news stations. The words “deliberate” and “terrorist act,” sprinkled through the noise on the TV.

“I think we have a terrorist act of proportions no one can begin to imagine,” one newscaster said.

I wanted so desperately to go and get Duncan. Tears streamed down my face. Every essence of my being wanted both of my boys with me.

Nana is a very wise woman. More than a century young, she was born into the Spanish flu pandemic right after WWI, experienced WW2 in her twenties, and was the nurse doctors turned to for advice most of her life. When I have had times in my life where my emotions tried to get the best of me, I turned to her – my earthly rock – for words of wisdom to keep me on the right course. She is the hands and heart of Jesus to me.

So, there I sat clinging to my Nana through the phone.

“An act of terrorism,” “hijacked,” and reminders of a bombing at the World Trade Center grew louder and louder on the television.

Elevators were out in both towers and due to the thick smoke, most were in total darkness. Rescue efforts had begun at both locations. Terrified individuals would walk hundreds, if not more than a thousand steps to the bottom and would run out into the street.

Some individuals were trapped on the upper floors. Intense heat rose into their areas and they broke widows in an attempt to escape the furnace-like heat and suffocating smoke. More than 1,000 feet above ground, lives were moved to hang out of these widows as the lesser of two evils.

The news broke to President George W. Bush who was visiting the Emma E. Booker Elementary School in Sarasota, FL. Students and adults stood behind the President as he revealed live on nation news that this was a terrorist act. After a moment of silence, he quickly left and would be on Air Force One in no time. That plane would end up being the only plane in the sky as more events unfolded.

The picture on the TV changed. The caption at the bottom of the screen read “The Pentagon – Washington, DC.”

“… Let me interrupt you here for a second..,” said Peter Jennings to a witness over the phone, “We now have a fire at the Pentagon.”

My eyes grew wide and Nana spoke only one word – “Go.”

“I love you!” I said as I hung up the phone. I ran out of the house with Ben, jumped into the van, and raced to the school to get Duncan. The school office was somber and the voice of the Principal broke through the quiet saying something like, “they’ll find out when the kids take lunch.” An obviously upset secretary asked what I needed. “I’m here to pick up my son.”

“Why?” she asked in a sharp tone.

“He has a dentist appointment,” were the quickest words I could muster.

“Oh,” she said. “Go ahead.”

I would later learn from Duncan’s teacher that I looked like a ghost when I entered the room. I had so desperately wanted to tell her what was wrong, but all I could say was, “You’ll find out soon.”

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
~Psalm 23:4

That day, thousands lost their lives as a result of four hijacked planes. The fourth plane was taken back by passengers who had heard about the other planes during their flight. Two brave men lead the battle to fight off the terrorist pilots and drove the plane into the ground to save the lives of countless others who would have died had the terrorist plot been completed. “Let’s roll,” became a victor cry.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds of their wounds.  ~Psalm 147:3

Nearly two decades after the event my little boys are now grown men. Instead of planes hitting towers, New York City is on high alert for the resurgence of COVID-19 which shut down the city, much like that of September 11, 2001. Instead of arriving at an airport and running in quickly to catch your flight, security and precautions in place necessitate your arrival hours in advance.

At the site of the two towers lie two massive memorials with the names of all the lives lost that day in NYC. Nearby stands one single tower – a beacon of hope, a symbol of resilience, and a message to America’s enemies which implies “You can knock us down, but we’ll get right back up again.”

If you remember this day, share your account. If you were too young to remember, ask someone where they were on this day. I say this not so that we remain living in the past, but so that the words many of us promised that day would remain true and the lives of those who perished and those who rescued would be honored…

NEVER FORGET.

Physical and Spiritual Health

~ sunshine14616 ~ Leave a comment

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. ~2 Timothy 1:7

That’s can be difficult to understand or believe when life throws you a curve ball, such as it has done recently with the Coronavirus known as Covid 19. I’m a mom of two grown boys, both of whom continue to work. One is more shielded as he works overnights with only one other person. My other son works for a pharmacy chain traveling from store to store. I also have a beloved grandmother, Nana, who is 100 years old. I help to care for her, as do her wonderful neighbors. She still lives alone in the house I’ve known all my life.

As you can see, worry and fear are part of my daily routine. That is why I seek out wisdom for keeping all of us healthy, and encouragement for my heart and soul.

For each of you reading, know I am praying for you, your situation, your health and the wellbeing of your family. I hope words bring you comfort.

Wisdom for Keeping our Family Healthy

My sister is a nurse, and I remember years ago she shared with me her routine when she would get home from work in order to keep her family from contracting some mega germ. She’s very wise and I want to share that wisdom with all of you.

Kids and family are not allowed to greet here until all of the following is complete:

  • Come in through the garage or side door.
  • Remove shoes and disrobe from there using a plastic bag as a hamper for all your clothes.
  • Put on a clean disposable or bleachable pair of socks, or a pair of slippers only for this use to walk through the house.
  • Immediately go into the shower and thoroughly wash everything from head to toe. Take your time and remember to get behind your ears, under your fingernails, and every other nook and cranny.
  • Dry off, get into clean clothes.
  • Now you can greet your family.
  • As for the clothing in the plastic hamper, use rubber gloves to handle the bag and dump clothing directly into washer to clean immediately. Dispose of plastic bag (using rubber gloves) outside into trash can.
  • Wash hands for 20 seconds minimum.

For anyone who is deemed an essential worker, is making deliveries of any kind, works in healthcare, pharmacies, or is even the one in the family who goes out to get groceries or prescriptions – if you are going out and mixing with other people in any way for any reason, taking the above steps is a great way to come back into your home in order to keep loved ones safe.

Encouragement for Your Heart and Soul

I remember September 11, 2001. My older son had just started kindergarten days before and my younger was still a toddler. I was glued to the television for weeks. I “needed” to know every bit of news. I feared we would be attacked again. I prayed they would find survivors. I wanted to know right away if there were any changes or new news day and night.

It was a month I will never get back; a month where my family got very little of me, and the TV and radio got all of me. Thankfully it didn’t damage my relationships, but it did have a lasting effect on my psyche as there are images I will never forget – terrible images that may very well have been replaced with the laughter of friends and family had I not become so overwhelmed by those events.

Back then, I did not have a strong relationship with God. I was a busy stay-at-home mom who “had it all under control.” It would be two years beyond 9-11 before I allowed God to break through and show me what real hope was. He showed me that I was not in control of anything, but He was. He revealed that watching TV and social media shows me very little, but He sees all. He assured me that I could sleep because He hears everything.

God knows all. I don’t have to be glued to the TV, radio, or social media to know every detail of the spread of Covid 19. Of course, there are updates I need to know, such as the latest legislation enacted by our governor, changes of store hours, any travel bans, and how to get tested should anyone in our family become ill. Those things I need to know. Beyond that, everything else is superfluous.

What we truly need is encouragement through these times. We need to fill our hearts, souls, and lives with hope and here are some great ways to do that:

Don’t Panic. Don’t allow fear to discourage you. We can take precautions to keep ourselves healthy while being a calm example to those who all who are frightened by what is happening.

Be kind and Show Understanding. We hear of people hoarding necessities and others reselling for ridiculous prices. Don’t repay their actions with mean social media posts.

Fear is a strong emotion that drives people to do things that they would not normally do, like hoarding. There is a strong sense of fight or flight in each of us. For many, this sense is active in the midst of all that is going on. If you see someone at the store, ask them how they’re holding up. Show them that you care.

Share. Reach out to your neighbors to make sure they are ok. Share resources: Toilet paper, soap, food items, etc. Not only will it help those in need, but it will give all of us a sense of community and compassion – something all of us need.

All of these actions are actions of love. When so many are kept up in our homes, some alone and feeling isolated, these actions can be lifesaving in so many ways. Below are some Scriptures to help you control your fears and focus on kindness, understanding, compassion, and love.

Bless and be blessed dear reader…

To Combat Fear

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:6-7

But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. ~Isaiah 43: 1-2

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ~Philippians 4:8

Kindness and Understanding

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. ~Ephesians 4:32

But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. ~Luke 6:35

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. ~Colossians 4:6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. ~Proverbs 3:5

Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding, for the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her profit better than gold. She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace. ~Proverbs 3:13-18

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. ~1 Peter 4:8

Sharing and Compassion

Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed. ~Proverbs 19:17

Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God. ~Hebrews 13:16

Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you. ~Luke 6:38

And he [Jesus] answered them, “Whoever has two tunics is to share with him who has none, and whoever has food is to do likewise.” ~Luke 13:11

Let all that you do be done in love. ~1 Corinthians 16:14

 

Thankful for Our Presence

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I am blessed. 

My family is small, and everyone is (relatively) close-by. An hour’s drive connects us with embraces and smiling faces. 

This Thanksgiving, we will all gather at my home for the first time in 24 years. The smell of roasted turkey will fill the house, the table will be set with candles in the center, and warmth will welcome all enter.

There will be much to do, from cleaning to cooking to cleaning again. There will be shoveling should it snow. I’ll get out the china (I love to use china) and set the table with our family silver. We’ll hustle and bustle over the next couple of days into Thanksgiving.

But once dinner is all set, my gift to my family will be my presence.

My phone will be set upstairs on silent. The TV will be turned off – no one likes football but me, so it’s not much of a sacrifice. Music will play low enough to hear each other speak, but loud enough to spark conversation. Once we’ve eaten and the table is cleared, the dishes will sit and wait – they’re patient that way – while I soak up time with my children, my Nana, my cousin and dear friends. The world will be locked outside, and my home will be a haven for building memories.

This Thanksgiving, I hope you plan time to unplug from the world and show your loved ones how much you care by gifting them with your presence. It may very well be your best Thanksgiving yet.

Bless and be blessed.

You Love Me Anyway

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Today was a tough day getting started for me. Have you ever had a night where sleep just didn’t come, and what sleep you had didn’t provide any peace? Yes, me too, and last night was one of those nights.

As I got ready for work, I turned on the radio as I do every morning. I always listen to a station called K-LOVE. The silence broke into mid song as the singer admitted:

Still You call me to walk
On the edge of this world
To spread my dreams and fly
But the future’s so far
My heart is so frail
I think I’d rather stay inside…

This is a song I’ve heard at least a hundred times before, but this morning, the words hit me like a pebble tossed into a glassy lake, upsetting the still exterior and rippling through me. The words sung mirrored the tiredness and pain inside. My heart was shattered. Old feelings of worthlessness had crept in the day before and rummaged through my soul as I slept. I had awoken empty and feeling alone and unlovable.

The lyricist continued:

But You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known
Yes, You love me anyway
Oh, Lord, how You love me
How You love me

“But You love me anyway…” Over and over again the lyrics repeated this exclamation. No matter what the writer has done, God loves him. No matter how he feels, God loves him. No matter how severe the offense, God loves him. No matter how much the writer understands God’s ways, no matter his doubt or lack of faith, no matter how arrogant or spiteful, whether he harms others intentionally or not, God loves him.

No matter how weak or empty inside, God loves him.

The Man/God who died on a cross as each one of us thrust thorns into His head, slammed nails into His hands and feet, spit on Him, laughed at Him… ran from Him – that Man died because of and in spite of all that because He loves us.

My weary and broken heart awoke to a song that got it beating again. 

But You love me anyway
Oh, God, how You love me
Yes, You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known
Yes, You love me anyway
Oh, Lord, how You love me
Yes, You love me,
Yes, You love me
Yes, You love me,
Yes, You love me

How You love me
How You love me
How You love me

Can you relate? Are you hurting? Do you feel empty? Has all your strength been sapped by the storms of life? Do feelings of guilt or shame overwhelm you? Have you put on your running shoes in hopes to escape future pain? Is there a huge void inside where love once resided but now, for whatever reason, is gone?

Unlovable. But He loves you anyway.
Empty. But He loves you anyway.
Ashamed. But He loves you anyway.
Guilty. But He loves you anyway.
Doubting. But He loves you anyway.
Prodigal. But He loves you anyway.
Scared. But He loves you anyway.
Tired. But He loves you anyway.
Weak. But He loves you anyway.

No matter where you are, no matter how you feel, no matter what you’ve done, where you’ve been, or what you’ve gone through – God loves you. Your life is no surprise to Him, yet He loves you so much, He died for you. All those who mock Him, fail Him, run from Him, He loves you anyway.

This song that gave so much hope to this weary heart that writes to you now is by a group called Sidewalk Prophets. If you need some encouragement today, listen online by clicking the link below. Let the words seep into your soul and write on your heart “God loves me.”

Bless and be blessed.

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God… And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love.
~1 John 4:7a, 16a

Humiliating Love

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I believe death is the most intimate of all things we will face in this life. Perhaps this is why it feels unnatural to watch someone be put to death, or see someone die in an accident or in the open. It is humiliating to the one who has died, an obscene intrusion of their privacy. Death was never meant for an audience.

Each of us meets this intimate experience differently. We are one of two people: the bystander or the one dying. Regardless of the perspective, death is intimate and personal.

I have walked alongside two people as they journeyed from this life into the next. Although I was not there as they left this world, for one loved one I was there mere moments before they passed. It was intimate – just my great-aunt and myself. This very strong-willed woman and I sat on the edge of her hospital bed and she laid her head on my shoulder as I prayed over her. She asked me to sing to her, something for which we both had a love. She had a beautiful voice in her younger years, and in these moments she longed to hear mine. Amazing Grace sung as a lullaby while I held her in my arms. When I was finished, like a child, I laid her down in bed, covered her up, and tucked her in. I kissed her on the forehead and told her I would see her again. I was told that she passed as I walked out the door. Intimate. Personal. Cherished. That was death with my great-aunt.

The other experience was different; a dear friend in her well-advanced years. Her decline had been slow, and the day had come. I received a phone call from her family inviting me to say goodbye. She was in her own home, on a sunny porch in a warm bed surrounded by loved ones. Although her awareness of this world was fading, she was cognizant of how uncomfortable she was. She asked to sit up and so I crawled behind her on my knees with pillows to cushion her. For a moment that gave her some comfort but it did not last and she became irritable. The many who were there, each one in their own way, tried to comfort her. It was noisy, sad, a little panic immersed in their loving words. The atmosphere was restless, as was my friend. Although surrounded by loved ones who wanted to be with her in her final moments, it was anything but intimate. I didn’t stay long. I felt like an intruder; not on this family’s time together but on my friend’s most intimate experience. She passed later that day and was finally home with her Saviour.

Of course I understand wanting to be with our loved ones when they pass away. I am sure that I will want to be with those closest to me when their time comes. Yet, as we walk alongside those whose death is imminent, I believe we must strong enough to provide the intimacy required, even if it means giving space, finding ourselves uncomfortable in the silence or remove ourselves from that experience.

When I think of death from this perspective, I am left humbled at what Jesus did on the cross. His death was by no means intimate in any way. He was beaten, His flesh ripped from His body; long Thorns shoved into his head. Forced to carry the cross on which He would hang, He bled profusely, weak from dehydration and blood loss, He would stumble and fall as people spit upon him and yell “Crucify Him!” He was then hung naked on a high cross at the top of a hill, surrounded mobs by people where His blood poured out, His lungs unable to exhale, slowly suffocating in pain.

This man did no wrong, not one sin in his 33 years of life. No Lie. No lust. No jealousy. No Envy. No unfaithfulness. No Pride. Not one wrong thing ever. He was sentenced to death before thousands, stripped naked, beaten, humiliated, insulted, left to hang through his final dying breath on public display. There was no intimacy whatsoever in this man’s death. And yet… and yet He chose to die, allowed Himself to die this way. Did you hear that? He chose this. He could have gotten out of it. He had every means to do so. The only thing holding Jesus to that cross was – not three nails – it was Himself; it was God In the Flesh. Why? Why would anyone choose this?

Love. He chose this humiliation and excruciating death out of great love for you. It was and always will be the ultimate sacrifice. A punishment meant for you and I, yet Jesus took it, serving our death sentence would be served, so that you and I – and every person before and after us – can spend eternity with Him.

When I stand before the cross this Good Friday, I stand humbled at Jesus’ sacrifice. I look up and force my eyes to see His death on a cross meant for me. I kneel with overwhelming gratitude knowing that no matter how intimate my journey from this life to the next may be, one day I will dance on streets of gold with my Saviour who suffered and died with humiliation because He loves me – and He loves you too.

Today, I invite you to get to know this Jesus. He is real. He lived, He died, and He came back to life on Easter. He did this for you and He wants to get to know you. Through prayer, reading the Bible or through someone who would like to help you get to know Him, Jesus is with you, waiting for you to reach out to Him. He will never leave you or forsake you. He loves you and you are the most important thing to Him right at this moment. His humiliating love is the greatest love you will ever know.

Conversations with the Counselor: Abandoned

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This is a new series of short stories based on conversations with the Counselor. This is no ordinary counselor. You, gentle reader, may recognize yourself sitting in any one of the seats of the counselee in this series. The issues discussed in these compilations are painful reminders of the human condition: fear, insecurity, pride, anger, vanity, idolatry, lust… just to name a few. Each dialogue will bring to light a weakness people face and the hope that comes with Conversations with the Counselor.

“Abandoned”

“Why am I not enough?” I asked.

He sat across from me, legs crossed, hands gently folded on his lap.

“Why?” I asked again. “What is it about me that is not enough? Why do people leave so easily? Why do people leave me?”

He just sat there… listening.

“I need you to tell me what I do wrong! Why. Am. I. Not. Enough? For anyone?” I was angry – hurt. I felt like a waste of space on this earth.

Not a word. He didn’t move a muscle.

“I give up. I hate people. I HATE them! You tell me I shouldn’t give up. I should trust you. Why? I trust you and I get hurt. I believe you and everything you tell me will happen never comes to fruition. Sure, it looks promising in the beginning and maybe even for a time it’s great! Then they pull away, back off, change and leave. People leave. They always leave. What is wrong with me? Why will I never be enough? Why… why will I never be enough…” I sobbed. “I will never take a chance again. I can’t. It hurts too much… I hate people.”

He leaned in. Very quietly, compassionately, He said, “I understand. I ask Myself the same question every day. ‘Why am I not enough?’” He paused.  “May I ask you something?” He said.

I nodded.

“Why am I not enough for you?’”

I looked at Him almost defiantly. “I need something tangible. I need arms and hands. I need to hear a heart that beats. I need to hear the words ‘I love you’ in my actual ears. Other people have that. They’ve had that their entire lives. I give everything I am to those I let in, pouring out love beyond measure only to have my parents, my sister, a man I considered a dad for nearly ten years, men who bought me rings and promised to always be there… they’re all gone. I’m never enough. You made a mistake when You made me. I know this because You won’t give me an answer to my question. I know this because I am expendable.”

“You have Me,” He said tenderly. “You always have and you always will. I will never leave you or abandon you.”

“Then let me stay here with You. Don’t send me back out into the world of hurt. Please let me stay…” I pleaded.

“No. Not yet. I still have plans for you in that world before you can stay with Me.”

“I’m tired. Use someone else. My bucket is empty. I have nothing left to give. If I give anymore, there will be nothing left of me.”

He sat and looked at me until my eyes met His. “I understand that too. I understand the pain when God is silent. ‘Eloi Eloi lama sabachthani?’ I cried. I couldn’t feel Him either. It hurts when you think He’s left you. It hurts more than anything. That is the grief you truly feel. You feel that He has left you, forgotten you, doesn’t care. You don’t feel or sense His presence, which is why you feel empty; why you feel like He made a mistake making you; why you’re tired. I, too, gave until I had nothing left. Those burdens I carried were heavy – heavier than you will ever know – but that does not diminish the burdens you feel. It’s all relative.”

“I don’t want to carry them anymore! I hate this place. I hate people. I just hate…”

“You know, there’s a fine line between love and hate,” He said.

I rolled my eyes at His use of the cliche. “Really? That’s the best You have? A cliche? I sit here before You – YOU – and You use a cliche?”

“There is nothing new under the sun.”

I couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Ok, that was clever… Nice set-up” I said, half smiling. He smiled back.

“It is true. With both love and hate, there is great passion. People who hate, care. They care deeply. You hate people? You must care deeply enough to elicit that kind of emotional response. Are you following Me?”

“Yes.”

“I created you with a heart that is filled with so much hope and love for people, you were born with it on your sleeve. You say you hold back, you don’t open up, but My dear child, you do. You open yourself to everyone, even though you know it could hurt. I love that about you.”

“Why on earth do you love that about me? I hate that about me!” I said.

“I love that about you because that is Me in you. Some people are truly closed off, the way you say you would like to be. They let no light in, nor do they shine in anyone’s life. You are different.” He paused for a moment. “Do you know what I made about you that puts people instantly at ease so that they will be open to the love and light you shine?” He asked.

“What’s that?” I said looking down.

“Your smile.”

I sat there silently, tears falling from my eyes hit the floor forming tiny puddles.

“I made that smile; that smile which can be seen from afar. When you smile – genuinely smile – it lights up a room and softens people’s hearts. That smile conveys your compassion, your authenticity and tells the world you are different – you are safe. It is the threshold through which people are willing to walk in order for Me pour out My love through you.”

I couldn’t look at Him.

“Don’t give up. Don’t give up on Me. Work with Me. Let Me work through you. Let Me finish what I have started in you – in My time. Please trust Me when I tell you ‘You are enough.’”

I sat there silently.

“Please,” He said. “Let Me be enough for you. Help Me help you believe that.”

“I don’t know how,” I said softly.

“That’s ok. I can help with that too. Let My words sink in, and then let’s talk again soon – real soon. I won’t lose touch with you. I want you to reach out to Me anytime and as often as you like.”

“Ok.” I sat there for a moment. “I can call anytime?”

“Anytime. Day or night. You won’t disturb Me.”

“And You will answer?”

“I will be there, I promise. I may not give you answers you seek right away, but I will always, always be there.”

“How will I know?” I asked.

“You will know,” He said. “You will know.”

Free Agents

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I don’t know about you, but sometimes I lock myself into situations before they even happen. I write my story believing that is the only way it will turn out – good or bad. You can imagine how frustrating life can be. I think this is true for many people. We like to control our lives, or at least we fool ourselves into thinking we can, and so we try. The reality is, it hinders the freedom we have in Christ, therefore limiting our true potential.

I’ve never been into sports. I have been content to sit in the bleachers and watch the game play  without fully understanding how it all works. I enjoy it just the same. Recently I was introduced to the concept of being a “free agent.”

In professional sports, a free agent is a player who is eligible to sign with any club or franchise; i.e., not under contract to any specific team.

I love the concept, and I’m even more intrigued how it plays into sports. I would think that a free agent would be at risk for having a lesser team mentality knowing that they are free to go at any time. I would also think it would be difficult for those players supporting that free agent for the same reason. And yet, it seems to work. That mentality doesn’t seem to come into play the way I think it would, and sit appears to help the game as a whole.

Writing my own story locks me into a team, so to speak. Not only am I closed off from new experiences, I limit my actions, my attitude and am I’m at risk of detrimental self-fulfilling prophecies instead of having the freedom that I was given in Christ.

When I consider myself a free agent in this world, I have the freedom to explore, the freedom to discover, and the freedom to be led by God’s Spirit in His time. When I consider myself to be a free agent, faith grows. Faith in my current circumstances. Faith in my team. Faith in future teams. Faith in living out my full potential. Faith in God and His abilities.

Galatians 5:1 speaks to being a free agent in Christ beautifully.

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

There is a short story called “The Black Door.” It is about a spy who is captured and sentenced to death by a warlord. The spy is given a choice – face death by firing squad or face the unknown on the other side of the Black Door. The spy imagines the worst possible torture through the Black Door and so he chooses the firing squad and moments later he is shot to death. The warlord mocks him for choosing the firing squad over the unknown. His aid asks what lies beyond the Black Door. “Freedom,” says the warlord, “and I’ve known very few men brave enough to take it.”

You and I are the spy. Satan is the warlord, instilling fear and planting seeds of doubt. The Black Door is the illusion Satan casts in our world when he attempts to block out the light and hope of Jesus and all the freedom that comes with faith in Him. It is fairly easy to see in this story, but some of us may live out that captivity daily.

When I write my story and I anticipate what I think the outcome will be, I keep myself captive behind a door that leads to freedom. I respond to life’s challenges out of fear and carry burdens that are unnecessary. I lock myself out of all the possibilities that God has for me. I put a timeline on His works and a limit to what He can accomplish in and through me.

If you don’t know Jesus, I would love it if you would get to know Him. Every believer in Jesus Christ is a free agent. God tells us this over and over again:

2 Corinthians 3:17
“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

Psalm 119:45
“I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts.”

Romans 8:20-21
“For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.”

We who are free agents are called to live differently, speak differently, behave differently, respond differently. I would dare say it goes beyond counter cultural. This world, at least in our society, leads us to believe there is a designated plan to follow:

Grow up
Go to school
Figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life
Graduate high school
Go to college
Get a degree
Find a career
Get married
Buy a house
Have kids
Find a better job
Buy nicer things
Have more kids
Buy a bigger house
Travel
Save for a comfortable retirement
Send the kids to college
Downsize
Retire
Watch the scenario play out with the next generation

Sound familiar? That’s an awful lot of pressure and expectations to live up to. I’ve known people – myself included – who have missed at least one of those steps and it can leave you lost. Life suddenly doesn’t fit into that societal box! If we’re honest when we look back, we realize that “box” was really stressful to keep in tact anyway.

What if you reimagined your life, starting right now. What if you dreamed the biggest dream and believed it was possible? What if you lived without fear of the unknown? What if every hurdle, every failure was just one step closer to the best possible life you can have? The only thing holding us back from living our lives to their fullest potential is us. We are free. We must believe that; must trust God through the unknown and step out in faith to live fully as free agents.

Dear God…

~ sunshine14616 ~ Leave a comment

Hi God,

It’s nearly Christmas and I was thinking about the first time we met today; well, the first time I met You. I didn’t realize it’s been as long as it has since that moment You first spoke to me. It’s a powerful memory, one I still recall with tears welled up in my eyes. You were tender, kind, loving… present.

I know a lot of people who know You. It seems that either they’ve always known You or they came to know you somewhere… somehow. But you were different with me. I didn’t come to You, You came to me. You came to this frightened child and whispered Your presence.

I didn’t know You. I knew of You, but little about You. I didn’t realize up until that day that You wanted me to talk to You. I had no idea. You knew that though, that’s why you came to me. You wanted to talk. You wanted me to know You were with me, always with me. You wanted to spend time together. You, the invincible Creator of the Universe who has roamed this earth as pillars of fire would gently walk to school with me every day. You patiently listened to me and would respond in Your unique way. You and I, we had this great way of communicating, kind of like a special code. It was just the way You liked it. I got to know You as my protective traveler those days…

You stayed with me. Sometimes I wonder why. I didn’t always stay with You. I got distracted and would wander off, or I’d just run to the next thing, not even thinking about You. I’d mess up, fall down, hurt You in ways I wasn’t even aware of, but still, You stayed with me.

We’ve learned to communicate in different ways. You wrote me this amazing Love Letter a long time ago and I read it over and over again. Sometimes, I listen to the audio version and fall asleep to it. I love Your Letter. Over the years, and especially lately, You speak to me through people. I love it when You send messages to me through others. I have to admit, sometimes my favorite way of communicating is through “billboards.” Not the kind on the highway (although they speak to me sometimes too), but those WOW messages You say to me. You know me; You know I need to hear definitive answers. Things can easily get lost in translation with me, and You are kind enough to be clear. Your clarity always brings me peace in the end.

I think the most amazing thing about You is this: despite the fact that I can be a really terrible friend and child; that I have defied You, challenged You, said terrible things when I’ve been upset, You – the almighty Creator who has the hand to destroy all You have made – You would still come to me as You did all those many years ago, and You would step down from Your glory into this world – a sick, dark, hurting world who often times despises You – and You would die for me all over again; You would die for everyone all over again.

I just wanted to write to You and thank You for all these wonderful years that You have been in my life. I’m sorry for the times I’ve let You down, and I thank You for Your grace and mercy. Thank You for hearing my prayers and only answering “yes” to those You know are best for me. Thank You for the work You do in others’ lives when I reach out to You on their behalf. Thank You for the blessings You have given me and I pray that I would use each and every one to make you proud and smile. Most of all, I want You to know that I love You, more than words could ever say – and that’s ok, because I know that You know full well the depth of my love for You.

Merry Christmas,

April

Made Holey to Be Holy

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We were made holey to be holy.

We give in many ways for many reasons. We give out of passion. We give to organizations where the cause has impacted our lives. My Nana gives to the MS Society because she had 3 sisters with MS. We give out of guilt. Remember the fundraisers at the movie theater? Before the movie, a group of people would pass the bucket and you sat there thinking, I don’t even know what they’re raising money for, but I don’t want to be that one guy who doesn’t put anything in. We give out of love – a beautiful blessing to someone in dire need. You’ve eased their burden and it feels good to extend love in such a way. But giving isn’t necessarily the same thing as generosity. Generosity is God’s way of giving.

This world teaches us that everything we give is ours to begin with. We work hard to earn what we have. We hold onto family heirlooms passed down through generations. We bequeath our possessions in a will. We are the owners of what we possess. That is the world’s view, and it can be a closed-fist view.

God’s way of giving is generous, free and without hesitation.

Before we can understand what God’s meaning of generosity is, we must look at who He is and who we are. Here are some Scriptures to ponder:

“Through Him all things were made; without Him, nothing was made except through Him.” ~John 1:3. Everything I have has come from God.

“The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world and all who live in it.” ~Psalm 24:1

“Remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you the ability to produce wealth.” Deuteronomy 8:17

“…I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” ~John 14:27

“He who did not spare His own Son, but gave him up for us all – how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?” ~Romans 8:32

I may not fully comprehend everything in the Bible, but I do believe everything it says.

God is the creator and owner of all things, even us. We are His and all we possess.

God does not give as the world gives. His way of giving is different.

God’s gives freely and without hesitation. He could have spared His Son, but He didn’t. Why? Because He loves us that much.

Jesus willingly died for us. He could’ve come down from that cross and saved His very own life, but He didn’t. He was beaten, tortured and left to die in the most inhumane way – freely and without hesitation.

God has, does and will continue to give to us all that we need.

I’m human and selfishly may not always agree with everything God says or desires, but when I look at who I am, who He is and what He has done for me, my perspective changes and my attitude shifts. My faith grows stronger.

We use terms like “bucket list” to fulfill our lives, but we’re more like sieves being poured into endlessly for the sole purpose of spilling out to others all that God has given us. Has He given you the gift of compassion? I’m sure your compassion cannot help but spill out to others. Has He given you encouragement? I’ll bet you’re someone’s biggest cheerleader. You see, we don’t look at things like compassion and encouragement as things to own, but things to give, and it’s so clear that God has given us these things to give others. So, why don’t we look at tangible things like money and possessions the same way? The truth is, they are no different. They came from God too. When we give things like compassion and encouragement, we don’t run out! We are constantly filled up to give again and again. Why don’t we trust God to do the same with possessions? CS Lewis wrote in “Mere Christianity,” “Every faculty you have, your power of thinking or of moving your limbs from moment to moment, is given to you by God. If you devoted every moment of your whole life exclusively to His service, you could not give Him anything that was not in a sense His own already.”

Friends, all that I have, all that you have has merely been entrusted to us, broken imperfect people with cracks to shine His light and spill out the gifts He has given us. We have been made in God’s image, the image of ultimate generosity. “For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” ~John 3:16
The next time you are face to face with giving vs. generosity, remember that we were made holey to be holy and you will be blessed with an amazing peace and freedom to give generously.

The Tree

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I watched a tree today; a tall pine tree swaying in the wind. Looking at it, you wouldn’t have known what season it was in. It could have just as well been summer as it was winter. It doesn’t change much over time, it just grows. It was a cold day in January, but the sun was shining and there it was, bending and yielding to the gusts that swept over it. It stood grounded, rooted, steady, and yet it bent at great lengths without breaking. It’s massive stature was graceful in shifting wind… it was beautiful.

I want to be like that tree. I want to be who I am, only stronger with every passing age. I want to hold firm onto Who I am grounded so that the changing of the seasons doesn’t discourage me, the cold air numb me, nor the hot air wither my soul. I long to bend in the gales of life with grace and strength.

Right now, I’m somewhere between a tumbleweed and a sapling because roots are my struggle. My soul craves rich soil in which to flourish and thrive, but my life has been wrought with tornadoes that carve and volcanoes that suffocate the landscapes into which I desire to grow. Contrary to the innate nature of the tree, I fear growing roots. Something that can bring life to a tired spirit, solice in the storms of life and feed a hungry soul has come to be something entirely different – something detrimental to my well-being awaiting the next earthquake to cause the ground beneath me to fall away. But then I look at the tree…

The tree didn’t ask to be planted. It had no say in the matter. It was simply put there and arms outstretched began to root itself into the ground and grow. I’ve never heard it complain about the weather or watched it snap in two as Summer storms blow through. It doesn’t worry if it will have water or sun, good days or bad, sunshine or storms… it just patiently and beautifully grows.

Yes, I want to be like that tree allowing God to plant me where He will – rooted in Him – arms outstretched, no complaints, no worries, bending gracefully in the storms and whispering love through my boughs in the sunshine… to just patiently and beautifully grow. That is my desire in the year to come and for all my days ahead.

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in Him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.” ~Jeremiah 17:7-8