Month: October 2015

Just Be Held

~ sunshine14616 ~ Leave a comment

Life is filled with uncertainties. The ever-winding path we walk is filled with twists and turns, light and shadows. We prefer the long stretches that show us what lies ahead so we can prepare ourselves for what we will encounter. Yet, even the mountains have long stretches that quickly cover with clouds that blind our way.
As the path changes, I am often left disoriented and needing to reach for something familiar to get my bearings. Uncertainty can bring feelings of excitement or anticipation or cause grief and hopelessness, especially when prayers seem to go unanswered.

I recently turned down a path of great excitement right on the heels of healing I’d been praying for. This new unknown was filled with joy. After a long time of uncertainty, it seemed my life was falling into place. Yet, I continued to lean on the One I could trust as I traveled, the One who has walked alongside me these many years. I clung to His words “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.’” ~Jeremiah 29:11. As I turned the corner, those words came to the forefront of my mind and my heart sang a beautiful song of gratitude to my loving God. It felt like a mountain-top-of-the-world experience. “God has heard the cries of my heart for so long and He finally answered me” I thought. But like any mountain, the paths can turn dark and stormy and in a few short weeks, I found myself in the deepest recesses of the valley. What I thought God had given me was not so. My heart was left broken. I was lost, dazed and confused. I thought God was blessing me. I thought He had answered my prayers. “Why? I don’t understand!”

The truth is, there is no way I could ever understand God’s ways. He sees far beyond where I can see; no cloud or storm could ever blind or disorient Him. I felt small and unworthy. The hope I had clung to for so long was wasting away with every heartbeat. How do I continue to cling to the words in Jeremiah 29:11? It seemed God’s desires for my life and my desires just didn’t align. He tells us that when we pray for His will, He will change our heart’s desire to align with His. Twelve years of prayer and drawing close to Him and yet my heart’s desire remained the same; my prayers still unanswered. To add to it my health diminishes; the road ahead is scary. My head, my heart, my body and my soul are worn and weary and in that valley, I feel no hope.

Then a song comes on the radio and it meets me right where I am. In the midst of anguish and hopelessness, God speaks to me through the gifts of a songwriter:

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place
I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held.1

God knows what I’m going through and He is not still. What He is doing, I do not know, but my Heavenly Father reminds me He loves me so much and His heart breaks because I cannot comprehend that He does indeed have plans for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me; plans to give me hope and a future. And so, like the very best Father He is, He simply wraps me in His arms and holds me until His strength is renewed in me. There is absolutely nothing I can do to change my circumstances, but I can allow my Father to tenderly care for me, heal my heart and renew my hope so that I will once again cling to his promises for a wonderful future I cannot yet see.

No matter where life leads you, set your heart upon the One who loves you ​more than anything, Who always wants what is best for you. Don’t be afraid to grieve or ask “Why” – Jesus asked why. Cry out to ​God, lean on Him, because God does have plans for your life. He will build you up refine you for the great purpose He has for you. And one day, you will be in awe of the beautiful work He has done in you and your life.

1 “Just Be Held” by Casting Crowns

The Valley

~ sunshine14616 ~ Leave a comment
I am in the valley. When I first enter the valley, it’s disorienting, terrifying and dark; nothing is familiar and everything is distorted. It’s not like the lush green valleys in the mountains covered in a layer of mist. No. The valley is more like a dungeon, foreign noises echoing bouncing down corridors. I am locked up with no place to go, cold and damp, alone. This is the valley.
Perhaps you’ve been in the valley. I’m sure yours looked differently than mine. One thing about the valley though is it is unmistakably a place of deep sorrow, pain and unrelenting anguish. No one joins you in the valley. They may view you from up above and see what you are going through, but they cannot travel with you in the valley.
You see, the valley is that place where God has something to say to you. What that is, I do not know. It is hard to hear His voice in the valley. But perhaps the world has enveloped you or me in such a way, He removes us from the world so that we have but no choice to give Him our undivided attention once the panic of this place dies down. Prayers are raw in the valley. We don’t mince words. We pour them out, scream them out. Eventually we run out of words and then the only thing we have left is what our heart can convey – and in that moment, the Holy Spirit steps into the valley to listen. He translates what our hearts cannot put into words and lifts those prayers up to the mighty God who has been waiting to hear.
I’ve noticed that when I’m not in the valley, talks with God are casual, sometime rote. Life is busy and although I’m spending time with Him, I’m probably not listening for His voice, truly reaching out for His direction. Even the things I ask for, plea for may not be what my soul desires deep down inside. The valley strips and rips all of that away. Air on our skin can hurt in the valley because there is so much pealed away that God says must go in order for what truly matters for our souls to be revealed. God can use the valley to reveal more about us to ourselves than Him. He already knows the deepest recesses of our being. But it is important to Him that we know what is really going on inside.
What have I put before God? What hurdles or walls have I built that affect my relationship with Him? Am I even aware of their existence? What worldly drapes have I wrapped myself in? In the valley, I don’t need to know what they are. In the valley, God tears all of them away from me. In the valley, He gets my attention by any and all means.
I’m still in the valley, but it’s not as frightening. The voices of His faithful followers flow down from vents and caverns to reach my ears. He is using them to drown out the chaos of the valley and remind me that He is already there to meet me. I have no idea what His plans are for me now or in the future. I have so many questions about that. “Why this way?” “What happens if…” “Why not…” “What if…” God isn’t afraid of my questions. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows that with each small revelation I eventually see, the questions will become wiser. I’m still cold, but I don’t feel alone in the valley.
One day, there will be a story to be told about how God was working in me in the valley; chapters about what He was doing in my life up above the valley; how He was refining me through it all. Each path out of the valley is different and I have no idea what the world will look like once He leads me out. But there is no one else who can lead me out. I can choose to stay here or follow my Shepherd. I choose Him.